Written in a teepee in Marfa, Texas. I just think you should know that.
Reflecting on the past year as I turn 33 today and here’s what I got out of it during our teepee talk time this morning:
A family friend of ours has been reading Joshua 14:12. In a nutshell this verse talks about when Moses sent Joshua at age 40 to the land, to scope out the place. Moses promises Joshua this land (umm, I’d like some land) that he will one day inherit. During the wilderness (the mountains of joy, mountains of fear, life) he kept his faith. Joshua lived totally for God.
“Now look at me: God has kept me alive, as he promised. It is now forty-five years since God spoke this word to Moses, years in which Israel wandered in the wilderness. And here I am today, eighty-five years old! I’m as strong as I was the day Moses sent me out. I’m as strong as ever in battle, whether coming or going.” –Joshua 14:6-12 (MSG)
Why is this verse important? Every year is going to be a different one. No season is the same and in that I choose to live for God and love Him at my very best. He knows the desires of my heart and He’s loved me in my darkest, my stubbornness, and even when it was hard to love Him at times. The promises seem just too hard sometimes because it’s all in HIS time and that can be 2 months or 45 years in the faithful waiting.
I kind of, sort of, maybe feel like Joshua…
I get this sense of excitement from him when he says, “And here I am today, eighty-five years old (33 years old)! I’m as strong as they day Moses sent me out. I’m as strong as ever…”
I feel like he’s more excited about the faith he kept vs the number of years he had to endure to receive the land that God promised.
I’m in this season of gratefulness, even in the crap. Straight up, I’m thankful for even the crap.
One thing I will share with you guys about me is I dreaded celebrating my birthday. I don’t even think my friends know this about me. I mask things very easily, not bragging about that. But every year as I get close to my birthday I get this panic because I start to dwell on the promises that God knows about, things He knows I’ve talked to Him about and I’m still in the waiting. This panic tells me to go the other route, stop doing things His way and starting doing them my way. As I sit here with these 3 amazing and extremely influential women in my life, we are reading & discussing Joshua 14:12, and when I read that Joshua waited and stayed faithful FOR 45 YEARS…I had to let it sink in. My mind shifted to his excitement and assurance of His God and when he could of easily said, “Hey God, umm it’s been like 3 years still no land, yeah I’m out on this deal. It’s too hard.” Instead, Joshua said, “Here I am today…stronger than ever WHAT’S UP world?!”
So, here I am. I’m 33 years old and if God and I were having a face to face conversation and after we close out our tab (hey, this is my diary and in my diary God and I are having a convo drinking miller lite) as friends do we hug it out and before we part ways until the next time we meet, I would let Him know how much I love Him and thank Him for everything this past year. I would look Him straight in the eye and say, “Give me the mountain…”
And since God knows all and especially hears all, I guess that’s what I just did.
photo property of Christian Watson
Two things I invite you all to join me in:
To ask God to give you the mountain (you’re tough! don’t listen to fear) and for you to be God bold.